Disclosure: As a reminder I don't go back and correct any mental errors while writing because that is true to how my brain works with living with epilepsy. In order to understand this by sommeone just joining, one example at times I might speak a seteances out ouf order, or repeat them, spelling.
Beyond excited to see our boys!
When I started my blog back up in at the end of June, of course I completely forgot we were getting ready to be gone June 25th until July 9th. As any mom can relate no matter how old they get, can't wait to see them and give them a big hug🤗 My "young men" especially know its a requiirement. So my brain is firing off too much, compare it to somthing you just can't wait to have or do. This causes at times more seizures to happen.
Broc had been playing for a team in VA since school was out from UTSA. He got to live with a wonderful host familly whom, treated him like his own son. We all still talk. I always LOVE getting to see him play. I try my hardest not to cheer too hard and embarrass him:) The thing I always worry about is experiencing some type of seizure which will embarrass him. The later games, my mind doesn't think as well, I can't walk as well and I may noy recogize or call someone the wrong name and rven worse fall down. But he his not embarrassed at all, iy it me more in my head and he is more concernced. A person living with epilepsy, has negative thoughts when things like this might happen. So I apologize a lot to my family(which they hate I do that a lot), and at times won't talk to anyone before or after games in the fear of talking rwrong. Or the exact oposite talk too much and repeat things to a person I already saud it too, and I have no idea until my husband tells me. Well you get the picture.
We got to take Broc to a Nationals Baseball game to celebrate July 4th.
We love seeing differrent stadiums and just wtahcing baseball. Broc loves getting hats of every team,so befire I am getting thruought the gate, he is already darting to the store before it got too busy. I get through gate and my mom is calling me. In my brain and heart, I knew bad news, cuase she never calls when she knows we are going to see the boys. It would be a short text. Brent says, don't thnk negativr but i felt it. So called my mom right back.
The Mom phone call
She started out by saying you told dad and I to stop holding things back from me thinking I can't handle it due to my epielpsy. So honey that's why I am calling now and didn't wait. PapPap passed away just before midnight. I didn't want to ruin your trip, but I knew i couldn't break that promise to you.The furneral on the 9th in OH. l I went right to the bathroom to let out a big cry. Then, in my head I have to have a great time for our family. of course both of them and they read me like a book, and each gave me a hug.
I would go back in forth and suppressing the feelings I was thnking for grandma losing PapPap, while enjoying time with Brent and Broc on this great Holiday! Many of those living wih various types of epilepsy have anxiety along with depression and OCD. I just kept telling myself over and over again PapPaP wants you there enjoying every minute. We did have a great time!
Car ride back to host family
As soon as we got in the car, and driving back to the host family my mind was all over the pllace. Thinking of my grandma, and my mom how are they doing, and we were leaving Broc the next day to Daytona to help Bryce move. As you can tell my mind was no longer having such a great time at the game. Once again instead of doing my breathing or a meditation to help myself, I was wanting to help others it was then in turn making it worse for myself along with Brent and Broc.
Back for sometime with the fireworks with the Host Family
The mom noticed right away I didn't have that mom smile on my face amd pulled me aside. I explained to her what happened and she gave me that reassring hug which I needed. Moms just know.
To find out what next our trip to Bryce now and the Mayo visit on July 8th, you will have to read the next entry of #MyGlitch
The very song I sang to my boys when babies.
Love & miss you PapPap
Always love watching him play
Mason of the Host family had a sign waiting for
Broc on his bedroom for his dinger:)
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